- Sleeping on the couch when you’re sick so your girlfriend can get a good sleep seems like a good and thoughtful idea. However, slight fever + leather furniture = literal sweat shirt.
- When you think you’ve done well in the football pool, someone will inevitably do just a little better. The lesson is, never try.
- You can’t overcook anything in a microwave if you’ve smothered it in gravy first.
- One of the best things that can happen when you blow your nose is to have the tissue you’re using collapse into itself like a dying star and give you the false sense of security you’re not just spraying your nose into your hands. Wait, did I say best?
- The surviving Boston bombing “suspect” is complaining about harsh prison constrictions. We all feel horrible for him. (Sarcasm detector explodes.)
- Halloween is coming. I like fast food. This prank fits both nicely.