An Open Letter: Dear Super Bowl

Dear Super Bowl,

Thank you for being on NBC this year.  If I had to listen to Joe and Troy on FOX for the biggest game of the year, I probably would have just muted the sound and played a Raffi record instead.  The commentary would’ve been more meaningful and insightful.

Also, thanks for making it a rematch, even if it is four years removed from the previous meeting, and only a few of the keys combatants remain.  With 19 hours of pre-game coverage, it’ll be nice to know at least 6 of it will be taken up with “What’s the same/What’s different” montages and features.

I look forward to the over usage of the words “Revenge” and “Avenge.”  The Patriots are looking for “revenge.”  They want to “avenge” their lost shot at a “perfect season”.  This word will be uttered by Patriots fans until the end of the game, and if the Pats win, forever more.  Also, I have news for sports fans out there…there has only been one perfect season ever in the history of the world.  Season 2 of Arrested Development.  And it will never be matched.

Sorry, off topic.  Where was I Super Bowl?  Oh, I won’t get too mad at your for filling your middle part with an 89 year old 80s pop icon.  I understand you need to cater to a large audience, so rather than only please a small portion of the viewing audience, you’d rather “meh” the majority.  With her 12th album coming out next month it will be a great chance for the world to look up from their halftime nachos and grunt “Man, what happened to her?”  Entertainment that is depressing is still entertainment.  Perhaps even Schadenfreude.

A question about the commercials…how many repeats are we going to see?  Last year’s game had over 48 minutes worth of ads, and I’m assuming it’ll do nothing but go up this year.  We’ll laugh at the beer ones, enjoy a movie trailer or two, see countless talking babies and animals, and watch at least one commercial that swings for the fences and strikes out, bat flying into the seats…regardless, the fact that some people gathered to watch you will “shoosh” the viewers when the game is going OFF the air because a new commercial is coming ON shows how diverse an audience you pull in.  Still no feminine commercials though?  Just once, it’d be interesting to see what they did with that.

As always, BIG props for the food situation.  You’re really the only day outside of Christmas that I look at food consumption as a challenge instead of a requirement for survival.  In fact, I would say you’re a more relaxed version of Christmas, because we don’t have to “go easy” on anything to make sure others get what they want too.  Because there’s always too much food.  It never runs out.  I anticipate at least two food comas between 11am and 6pm, and god knows I’ll force feed myself during the game when the “real food” comes out.  Just remember I have to work at 6 the next morning, so just let me get through the four hours on the air before you decide to pull the emergency chute.

Maybe most importantly, thanks for being in February.  The winter can get pretty boring, and you help to kick off the short month with a little entertainment before we climb back into our caves for the next six weeks.  This year has been a weather anomaly, but rest assured it won’t always be like this, and you’ll be there to lift our spirits again.

Again, I can’t apologize enough for missing you two years ago.  I was on my way to a sunny beach in Cuba, and the flight left right before Indy and New Orleans kicked off.  The pilot was nice enough to give us the halftime score, and I ran to my room to catch the end of you, so at least we got a little time together.  I’ll never let it happen again.  Hell, I made it up to you last year when I hung out with NFC Championship Game while I was in Mexico!  I could’ve been down on the sunny beach or in the ocean, but instead I watched a crappy cable feed with Spanish dubbing so I could take in the Pack beating the Bears!  I think we’re even now.  It’s all good.  And that game now seems so long ago..

In closing, there really isn’t anything like you.  You bring together people from all walks of life for all kinds of reasons, and even though in the grand scheme of things you may not really mean that much, you’re still a very welcome distraction, and that’s something we could all use once in a while.

Thanks again,


P.S.  You’ve been pretty good at this lately, but do me a favour: Don’t suck.  We’ve had a good run of close games and high scoring.  If you’re a blow out by the third quarter, I’m gonna turn my back on you.  That buffalo wing dip isn’t going to eat itself. sports



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