Maruchan Instant Lunch – Fake Kraft Dinner Edition

My buddy Carson put this on my desk about two weeks ago:

His comment? “You should eat this and talk about it in your blog.” Did it sound like a smart thing to do? Does eating anything that costs $0.33 sound like a smart thing to do?  Of COURSE I did it.

Here’s the back of the lovely packaging:

How easy is this? Just three simple steps to lunchtime glory!  Fill it with boiling water to the line, put the paper lid that peels off back on it somehow, then stir and enjoy!  300 calories containing 48% of my sodium intake for the day, done! So here we go!

Peeling back the instruction lid (two jobs, the lid did two jobs!  How could this NOT rock?) I gazed upon the powdery orange covered noodle goodness, wondering immediately if I hadn’t released some foreign toxic agent into my lungs.  Moving quickly, I gathered everything needed for my lunch:

Just some boiling water, which would be provided by the workplace kettle. Step one was nearly complete, I just needed to wait for the boiling to begin…the longest, most anticipatory three minutes of my life expired, and the kettle whistle fired like a starting gun in the race of lunch preparation. Deep stuff, this cheap food stuff is…

Pouring the water onto the surface, there was very little if any splash back. This stuff was sucking up the water faster than I could get it in the space-aged container. I was supposed to fill it to the line inside, which I believed was marked at the top of the container. So I poured. And poured. And poured some more. Finally, 20 seconds after I started pouring…

Most of the powder had disappeared, but what remained floated on top of the water. I was hoping after I “re-sealed” the lid, it would all be gone before it was time to eat. Step 2 (or the hump step) of the instructions told me to keep it sealed for 3 minutes. So I stood there like this:

Three minutes is a long time to hold your lidstructions to see if everything worked out as it should have. 180 agonizing seconds later, I reopened the lid:

The bad news? Um, LOOK at it. The GOOD news? Step 3. Mix and enjoy! (And an extra bonus, I could let it stand longer if I wanted to thicken it up a little!) But why would I want THIS to thicken more?

How could you possibly want to wait any longer to let it thicken up?  The only way that was going to get thicker is if I put it in the freezer for a few hours…it was GO TIME my friends.  And the verdict?

Needless to say, I don’t think Kraft Dinner has anything to worry about.  In fact, immediately after this was finished, I went home and brushed my teeth with the orange powder just to get the Maruchan flavour out.  Alright, maybe not, but I did actually finish the instant lunch.  After I dumped out the “sauce.”  Noodles are noodles, right?  And a man’s gotta eat.

Which is the only way I would recommend this food.  If you’ve gotta eat, dig in.  With a spoon and a straw.

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