Liars who Lie Lazy Lucrative Lies

We’ll make this one quick: “Santa” brought the Sig-O a Blu-ray player for Christmas because he happened to wander past a store at the Pen that had one at a ridiculous price.  Kind of a bonus gift.  When it was hooked up it worked perfectly.  For about 37 minutes.

The benefit to this particular Blu-ray player was the built in Netflix, which would allow viewing of said service without having to hookup the laptop to the tv every time.  The player would be hooked up permanently, and would be easy to use.  However, after the 37 minutes of perfection, something went wrong.

The player started responding a little more slowly.  Or would freeze.  Or would just laugh at you when you tried to turn it off to reset it.  After a couple weeks of scattered good and bad times, “Santa” found the receipt and returned it to the store to get something else.  The nice man behind the counter said “We haven’t had any of these come back yet, so it’s probably just a one off.   Why not try the same model, just take a different one instead.”  Seeing again how this price was ridiculous, and it probably was just a one off, “Santa” agreed.

Not a wise choice.

Less than 28 hours after the new player was hooked up it started doing the exact same thing again.  This had “Santa” confused.  This would now make two of the same model player that sucked.  And that couldn’t be it, right?  The receipt much closer at hand this time, not 72 hours after the second player was obtained was it repackaged and brought back to be dealt with.

Here is where the story gets a little more interesting.  “Santa” had every intention of just returning the player and getting a different kind altogether, and was willing to pay the difference in the price.  The stupid gift should’ve just worked in the first place, and that’ll teach “Santa” for being cheap.  But as he approached the counter, the “Three Wise Men” as we’ll call them, who were standing in a store devoid of customers and general happiness, saw him coming and interjected before a single word was uttered.

“Hey, you’re back again.”

“Well ya,” Sant—(ok fuck it, I’m Santa) I exclaimed, “I hooked it up and it did the exact same thing.”

“What, it just froze up?”

“Ya, and I was going to return it and pick out a diff-”

“It’s your internet.”

“It’s my what now?”

“It’s your internet connection.  That’s got to be why it’s not working for you.”

Before I’d even tried to tell them that I still wanted to buy something, they cut me off and told me what the problem was before I was even finished describing it.  There are two explanations for this: 1) They had seen a lot of these coming back, and knew that there were problems with it, which goes against what I had been told after the first attempt.  Or 2) They had absolutely no time/patience/care for the single customer who had walked in the seemingly abandoned store for help.  Go ahead “wise men”.  Pick which one it is.

To tighten the next 10 minutes of debate, I was informed continuously that the issue had to be with the internet connection, even though it was connected directly to the internet, not wirelessly, straight from the player to the internet.  I was told to call my cable internet provider and see if there was anything they could do to make it better.  Essentially they didn’t think there was anything wrong with the player at all.  This could have been reasonable to believe, IF the loudest/quickest-to-speak/least-interested/most-condescending “wise man” hadn’t continually cut me off while I was trying to have a conversation.  I was probably just that “stupid” customer who “didn’t know what I was talking about.”  You know, not the guy who had worked selling electronics for a living for more than half a decade.

The thing is, they were all so completely convinced, it worked.  They convinced me to take it home, try it out again, call up Cogeco and see if there was anything wrong.  Oh, that’s after the wisest of the “wise men” had also suggested selling me a Bell internet package.  Of course, I’ve had problems with 100% of the things I’d ever gotten there, please, let’s continue to do business.

As I walked back to the car I placed the player in the trunk and walked the 100 feet to the other electronic store in the area.  Walking directly to the home theatre department, I asked “Hey, have you guys had any problems with ________?”

“Oh, god those things are horrible.”

And that’s all I needed to hear.  Back to the car, back to the first place, and back to the counter in the empty store, where unfortunately only two of the “wise men” remained.  The wisest had gone on his break.  Looking back it’s probably best he wasn’t there, I’m sure I’d still be explaining to the police why there was blood all over that Blu-ray player.

“Guys, I’d just like to return this if that’s alright.”

“Sure, any particular reason why?”

“Because we’ve watched Netflix on my laptop wirelessly.  Which should be WORSE for the connection.  But it’s NOT.  I’ve actually streamed Netflix in HD on it, so it can’t be the internet.  I think it’s because this is a shitty player, so I’d like to return it.”

“Is there anything el-“

“No thanks.  Just my money.”

The money was returned.  The money was taken to the other store.  The money was used to buy a new player which is working flawlessly, on/off, streaming, playing, collecting dust, etc.  It cost exactly the same as the first one I bought.  The key to that ending?  The right guys ended up with the money.  The other guys should just shut up and get wise.

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