Big news for coffee lovers today in Canada…after months of market testing, Tim Hortons has decided to give Java Jonesers even more of what they want! BIGGER COFFEE SIZES!! See if you can follow along with these radical new ideas:
Following along? That means that every size you used to order is now actually the size bigger, and they’ve introduced a brand new “extra large size”, which for those wondering, will contain about 24 fluid ounces of pure caffeine delight. For people who love coffee, that’s some exciting stuff. For people who can do math, it becomes a slight concern for the bladder. A normal healthy bladder can hold about 16 oz for 2 to 5 hours before it’s go time. As just mentioned, the new size from Tim’s holds about 50% more than that. So not only will you have to consume your coffee at a fantastic rate of speed to make sure it doesn’t go cold before you finish, it may finally justify picking up some adult diapers just to be safe on that morning commute.
And what about your cup holders in the car? Are they big enough to support these mammoth mugs? And will travel mugs be available to fill ‘er up when you drive thru? How many handles will they come with? Maybe they can just give up and put a couple of straps on it, you can throw a tube over your shoulder and just carry a giant keg on your back!
More more MORE is what society seems to be begging for all the time….faster, easier, more convenient. And I can understand that, that’s considered progress. But my GOD…who needs this much coffee in one go? I get that some people love it, and can have 2 or 3 cups in a morning to get moving…can you imagine if you get stuck doing the office run with 4 or 8 or 12 orders for these things? Just back the truck up to the window and fill up the kiddie pool!
I just recently started drinking coffee in the morning; one cup, made at home, brought in and consumed by 6:30am, and that’s what I “need” to get going. There are days I forget to make it, and I seem fine without it. That’s my thing. But I understand that if Tim Hortons has done the research, and it’s what people want, then it makes nothing but sense to them. GOOD for them for not charging more for the increase as well, because that would have been cause for a Canadian Spring if there ever was one. And I WILL say, that stupid small size they have? It’s like 3 shots of whatever you’re drinking and it’s done. So at least now it’s the extra small size, and it’ll be a specific order for your children or your extremely shrunken bladder. But honestly, 24 oz? If there’s anything the drivers around here needed, it’s not more caffeine.
If you love coffee, congratulations. Just take a number for the bathroom while you place your order.